The Heartbroken Jesus // Fr Nelson Lobo OFM Cap

 

Wondering Guru

(How to deal with a Broken Heart Experience?)

 

        We are in the Holy Week.  The most crucial week for us Christians in our Liturgical Calendar.  The most painful heart breaking words Jesus uttered during this Holy Week are ‘one of you will betray me’. Since we commemorate the Holy Week services every year our mind spontaneously points our finger to Judas.  Yes! Jesus addressed those words to Jesus.

        Jesus is now at the last supper celebration.  How dreadful he might have felt every time he looked at Judas.  How discomforting he might have felt within in the presence of Judas.  Yet like Mary He kept everything in His heart, did not tell anyone or share with anyone His emotional pain, the pain of the soul.  Being fully human he experienced everything that you and me experiences off course except sin. Very soon he will experience the greatest betrayal of all.  Betrayal from a person who was chosen and considered not only as a disciple but also as a friend.  Three years of friendship, three years of togetherness, three years of a journey will go down the drain. 

         Jesus tried everything to hate the sin and to love the sinner.  Jesus tried to be positive and hopeful waiting for the sinner to realize his mistake.  Waiting for the betrayer to understand the quantum of pain he will cause to his master.  Waiting for the money lover and political enthusiast to understand the irreversible consequences his kiss of death will cost the master and the remaining disciples. 

         It's time to give up hope.  Jesus tried everything. Jesus made numerous appeals to the conscience and consciousness of the betrayer. But nothing worked. His heart chose darkness.  Jesus is going to make now the last desperate attempt to help the betrayer to realize his mistake.  William Barclay the biblical commentator calls this last attempt as “Love’s Last Appeal”.  

It is Passover time.  The meal is set.  Jesus is with his apostles at the table.  Barclay says the most important honourable place in the Jewish society those times during the meal was the left side of the host. It was reserved for the most intimate friend.  Barclay is of the opinion that Jesus gave this most prized left side place to the betrayer Judas.  That’s why Jesus who was reclining on his left side was very close to the heart of Judas. There is something more.  For the host to offer the guest a special morsel from the dish was a singular sign of friendship for a special friend.

       Again and again Jesus appealed to that dark heart, and again and again Judas remained unmoved.  Then the crucial moment came, the moment when the love of Jesus admitted defeat. “Judas,’ he said, ‘hurry on what you propose to do’. Jesus did not want to force his love and loyalty.  Jesus respected his freedom.  Judas was invited to be a friend not a slave. But there was no point in further delay.  If Judas was hell bent in betraying Jesus, then so be it.  When Judas received the morsel, the devil entered into him.  That is exactly what the devil can do.  He can take the loveliest things, twist them in such a way to make us agents of pain and suffering. 

       Judas was supposed to be a friend.  Judas was supposed to carry on the work of Christ.  Judas was supposed to defend his master. Judas was supposed to defend his friendship and relationship with Jesus.  But he did just the opposite.  In the garb of friendship and discipleship he betrayed Him and caused immense pain to the sacred heart of Jesus.  The pain of betrayal was much greater than the pain of the Cross. 

        We humans go through such pain again and again. We fall in love. We make friends. We have good time and then all of a sudden, our friends just disappear or betray us. Some even spoil our reputation.  Many of us have heart broken experiences. Many of us have gone through sleepless nights and waisted away our dreams and our health.  We hoped in vain that the things will be ok once again.  Things either became worse or we were left in a limbo.  Didn’t know what to do.  We were like caught up between two opposing feelings “wanting to feel the same love again” and “don’t want to feel that horrible pain again”. We waited long in hope.  We gave our friend many chances.  But nothing happened.  Our so-called friend remained stubborn careless and oblivious to our pain and sorrow. 

         Well! We didn’t pray for the death of our betrayer friend but we did pray for the grace of God to have the courage to move on in life, to let go what was. Psychologists say when you are heartbroken just don’t remind yourself of the beautiful smile S/he gave you but remind yourself also of the frown.  Remind yourself the very cause of the brokenness. Just don’t idealize your betrayer by remembering the good times but recall quite often how s/he made you suffer so much. 

       Yes, the mind reasons and speaks the truth but the heart plays the tricks and leaves us in misperception. Let go and move on is the advice of the experts. The toughest part of letting go, off course is realizing the bitter truth that the person you loved so much has already moved on. When Jesus was preparing for the Passover I am sure the days leading to Passover Judas was always on His mind.  Every time He went to sleep and every time He got up the first thought, the first person on His mind I guess was Judas and the pain that he will cause.  It’s the same with everyone who goes through a broken heart experience.  When you sleep and when you get up you remember the person who betrayed you and caused you lot of pain.  Such thoughts do de-motivate all of us.  But the good news is that time is a great healing factor.  Once time passes those who were the first on your mind gradually will be relegated to the 2^nd and 3^rd place and finally to the last chapter of the book of your life.  Somebody said “getting over a heartbreak is not a journey it is a fight”.  The journey of togetherness between Jesus and Judas is now coming to an end.  Now it is a ‘fight’ for Jesus to face the Cross.  In that painful fight He will rise victorious and begin a new chapter of resurrection. Betrayer will be forever remembered as a betrayer and nothing more. 

       All those who have gone through heart break, all those who have experienced betrayal or break in friendship, take courage and fight the fight.  You will be victorious someday. Avoid alcohol, avoid self-harm, avoid over eating, avoid abusing and trolling your betrayer.  Give yourself a short period of mourning time, a time to cry, a time to let go the tears. Walk in the rain or stay under the shower to hide your tears. Never take any major negative decisions that may harm your life or your family during the grieving period.  Do not punish yourself or your family because of that betrayer. But once the grieving period is over spend time with those who really love you.  Do lot of physical exercises. Spend a lot of time with Jesus and His mother. Both of them know first hand what pain of the soul and body is.  Finally surrender everything in God’s hands and allow the time to heal you. 

When you begin to write the new chapter of your life you are not beginning from scratch but from experience.  Write the best chapters of your life.